Daffynitions
- acupuncture - A jab well done
- adult - A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle
- alcoholic - Someone you don't like who drinks as much as you
- autopsy - A dying practice
- bachelor - A bloke who never finds out how many faults he has
- bargain - Something you don't need but is so cheap you can't afford not to buy it
- bore - A bloke who, when you ask how he is, tells you
- cannibal - Someone who is fed up with people
- chickens - The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead
- committee - A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours
- consciousness - That annoying time between sleeps
- dictionary - The universe in alphabetical order
- diplomat - A person who tells you to go to hell in a way that you look forward to the trip
- drive-in movie - Wall to wall car-petting
- dust - Mud with the juice squeezed out
- egotist - Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation
- electrician - a switch doctor
- fax machine - a device that allows someone in another city to pile work onto your desks
- flashlight - A case for holding dead batteries
- flattery - Phoney express
- gossip - letting the chat out of the bag
- hi-fidelity - A drunk who always goes home to his wife
- hypochondriac - A guy who won't let well enough alone
- insane - Those who jump off a bridge in Paris
- jury - Twelve people who determine which client has the best lawyer
- letter bombs - post mortems
- life - a sexually transmitted terminal disease
- lottery - A tax on people who are bad at math
- manicurist - Someone who makes money hand over fist
- marriage - agreement in which a man loses his bachelors degree, a woman gains her masters
- meter maid - A person who always does a fine day's work
- mosquito - An insect that makes you like flies better
- office - A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life
- optimist - A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river
- pimp - public relations man for public relations girl
- politician - One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after
- praise - something received when you are no longer alive
- predestination - doomed from the start
- raisin - A sunburned grape
- rumor - News that travels more than the speed of sound
- secret - Something you tell to one person at a time
- shin - a device for finding furniture in the dark
- skeleton - A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
- stick - A boomerang that doesn't come back
- taxpayers - cross section of the public
- tomorrow - One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
- toothache - The pain that drives you to extraction.
- truth - Something that lies around.
- yawn - An honest opinion openly expressed.
Copyright 2005 by Jim Wegryn
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